Aching to Pupate

Femme, feisty, feminist, finding it harder to alliterate than I expected. Twenty-something, vegan, queer, sex- and body-positive, book-loving, Jewish, kinky almost-college graduate. My feminism is intersectional or it isn't worth shit. Directing my life marginally better than a butterfly in a hurricane.

I'm kinda in love with my best friend.

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"In the end, no matter who you love or how, it all comes down to: humans are really fucking complicated and really fucking different. And the cultural mainstream has set some pathetically simple one-size-fits-all rules for how we’re supposed to love and fuck. But fuck those rules. You only get one life. You only get to spend so much of it making love. And there are so, so, many wonderful and amazing ways to make love and I think some of them haven’t even been discovered yet. (We found a new permutation just last Thursday.)

You owe it to your lovers and to yourself to toss out what you’re supposed to be like or what you accidentally ended up with, and fuck and love in the way that brings you joy."  - The Pervocracy: How to Have Sex On Purpose

"[P]lay is a really good way to look at sex. It’s grownup playtime. It’s something you’re doing (generally) for purposes purely of pleasure. It’s supposed to make you happy, it might make you laugh, it’s something that lets you live out fantasies and move your body in ways you don’t normally get to, and you get to feel like you’re having a big adventure right in your own bedroom. I don’t want to be all prescriptivist with this part, if sex means something else to you I’m not saying “NO! IT MUST BE PLAY!”, but… if you ever find yourself approaching sex with grim determination or with that massive “I have to do this and do it right or I’m a loser” ego investment, it can help to step back a second and realize that the whole thing where people rub their crotches together to get happy is really kind of ridiculous."  - The Pervocracy: How to Have Sex On Purpose

"Jealousy’s a thing we talk about a lot in poly. There are some people who genuinely don’t seem to feel it, but most of us? We’re human, we get jealous. Even if we’re monogamous, even if we don’t have to process our partners actually having relationships with other people, there’s usually some way that you have to share their attention that you have some feelings about. Whether it’s about friends or work or their hobbies or Christina Hendricks or even just the idea that you could be losing touch with them. Jealousy’s not a good thing, it’s not like in Twilight where “ooh, threatening murder over me is how he shows he really loves me!”, but jealousy is not evil. It’s just an emotion, and how you express it makes the difference. Bottling it up until suddenly you’re really upset and you get into a big nasty fight: that’s bad. Bottling it up forever to try to be the Perfect Undemanding Totally Chill Partner and eventually your head explodes: also bad.

So just say it. Just lay your emotions out there on the table so you can work on it together. “I feel lonely (or neglected, or jealous) sometimes when you do X, and I would feel a lot better if you did Y or reassured me about Z.” Like everything you’ve got to do this in good faith and have some flexibility - you’re getting into some real bad-news territory if you ask your partner to never make you jealous about anything ever - but there’s a lot of things in between that and totally stifling yourself. Sometimes you just need to hear from them that you’re not losing them. Sometimes you can make compromises like “going out to dinner with your ladyfriend is fine, but you’re going to owe me dinner next week,” or “okay, you can watch Mad Men, but no freeze-framing.” There’s just a lot you can do when you talk about jealousy before it’s a crisis."  -

The Pervocracy: How to Have Sex on Purpose

I spent a lot of time trying to be the Perfect Undemanding Totally Chill Partner, and you know what? It sucked, it made me really unhappy, and it made my partner unhappy. So now I try to talk about things. I’m not perfect, and I don’t always do it or do it well, but at least I’m trying.

"Do you want me to get you off and then we’ll go get pizza?"  -

Evan

My partner is such a romantic.

"On the patriarchal side, there’s this idea of the body belonging to the community. Virginity is an interesting example of this because the woman is seen as a marker of family boundaries, a symbol of the community. She’s viewed as both the source of the literal, as well as, in the more figurative sense, the source of the continuity of the community. That sounds like a privileged status, but in fact what evolves from that is the notion that she needs to be under the control of men — of fathers, of husbands, of brothers. The stress on virginity reflects the imperatives of the larger society: promising society’s continuity through marriage and children. So the woman’s consent is irrelevant, since her purpose transcends herself."  - David Jacobson, at Salon, here. (via hellyeahscarleteen)

"What does virginity mean to a queer person, who may never have vaginal intercourse in her/his/hir life? What of a lesbian who chooses to never engage in any sort of penetrative sex act her entire life, does she remain some sort of super, extra virgin? If a straight man receives a blowjob, he will in all likelihood still consider himself a virgin, but a gay man receiving a blowjob may have a more complicated understanding of what it means for his sex life. In many ways, our conception of “virginity” erases or invalidates queer sex."  - Virginity: Ditch It (via tlacuache-ahuacatl)

Hotel Monteleone 

quickienewyork:

Somehow he found us at the bar and I have no idea how it happened. We weren’t wearing matching shirts that read “want to fuck us both?” and we didn’t give off some secret sign that meant we were open to being hit on by strange men at the bar. And yet, when he put his hand on my knee as he leaned over to whisper in her ear, it was all very clear.

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dommesticgod:

dommesticgod:

Just got my hair gripped into and face forcefully buried inbetween my girlfriend’s (Mistress’s) legs for thirty minutes. I also got choked a lot. How’s everyone else doing?

I’m cute, and this happened again so I’m reblogging it again,

dedlydesire:

Three is a party.

Yes plz